Everybody knows Bubba

J.A. Bolton Storyteller

April 1, 2014

My friend Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know in this world. Why, just name someone, anyone, and I betcha I know ‘em.”

Tired of hearing Bubba boast, his boss said, “Ok Bubba, how about Tom Cruise? Do you know him?”

“Sure do,” said Bubba. “Me and Ol’ Tom go way back and I can prove it.”

The boss had some business in California so he invited Bubba to come along. When they got through with the business the boss says, “Alright Bubba, let’s ride over to Hollywood and visit your friend Tom.”

They knocked on Tom Cruise’s door and sure enough, Tom shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you. You and your friend come right in and join us for lunch.”

Although impressed, Bubba’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Tom’s house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba knowing Cruise was just luck.

“Oh no, just name someone else,” Bubba says.

“President Obama,” his boss quickly replied.

“Yes,” Bubba says, “I know him. Let’s swing by Washington on the way home.” So off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Bubba on tour and motions him and his boss over, saying “What a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a drink and catch up on things.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again says, “just name someone else.”

“The Pope,” his boss replies.

“Sure,” said Bubba. “Some of my folks are from Argentina, and I’ve known the Pope a long time.”

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are standing in the crowd of people in Vatican Square when Bubba says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs, and I’ll come out onto the balcony with the Pope.”

Bubba disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later, Bubba comes out on the balcony with the Pope. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss’s side, Bubba asked him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who is that with the Bubba?’”